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The Exchange Student

 
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Genesis



Joined: 21 Jul 2013
Posts: 199

PostPosted: Dec Fri 06, 2013 12:17 pm    Post subject: The Exchange Student Reply with quote

Here's my second story about John. If you haven't read the first part, feel free to check it out.

Meet John

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Dakota Blue Richards as Maisie Hamilton



Enjoy. Very Happy

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John had spent the last month planing and setting up an extensive system of cameras in Maisie Hamilton's apartment. The cameras were fiber optics, small enough to hide in plain sight. He had bought them from Amazon. $150 each. A small price to pay for unlimited surveillance. He had placed three cameras in her bedroom, two in the bathroom, two in the kitchen and two in the hallway. They sent a live feed directly to his laptop. With a simple click of the mouse, he had nine small screens on his monitor, giving him a perfect view of her apartment. The sound was crystal clear.

Maisie Hamilton was a very special girl to him. Ninteen years old. Short red hair and a body with curves to die for. She was a British exchange student, living in the US. In two weeks she would return home. John knew that he needed to pay her a visit before then. John's first encounter with her was in a book store. She purchased a book about Lord Byron. It had been in the middle of the day and he had no problem following her to the apartment building she lived in two blocks away.

The first time he was in her apartment he made sure that he had plenty of time. At that point he had already spent two weeks watching her from afar. He knew her schedule, he knew who her friends were and he knew that she was single. She was an exemplary student. Always in time, always quick to hand in her assignments. Whe she left her apartment at rougly 7.30 AM, he knew that he would have at least eight hours before she would return.

The apartment building was located in a decent enough area. At a student's loan, it was the best she could afford. The first time he took the main entrance and took the stairs to the third floor. She shared the floor with three other apartments. One of them belonged to a middle-aged man, one to a young couple and the other to a single woman in her mid-thirties. He had waited until they all left for work before he entered the building. He didn't need any secret viewers looking through their peepholes.

He used a lock pick to let himself in and closed the door silently behind him. The hallway was not very large. There was room enough for some shoes and a jacket. Taking a few steps in, he had the bathroom to his left and the kitchen to his right. Another couple of steps and he had the bedroom to his left. He made mental notes of where to step and in which places the floor creaked. He went over each room very carefully, starting with the bathroom. A toilet, a sink and a tub. The room was of decent size. He placed one camera behind the mirror and another one above the door.

The kitchen was small. Barely enough room for the fridge, freezer, stove and sink. A small table was cramed in there as well, with two chairs. He placed one camera on top of the fridge and another above the door.

Then there was the bedroom. The sacred center of the apartment. Here she slept, dressed, got undressed and entertained herself. It was a large room, white walls covered with black spots. There was a small desk with a computer by the window. Her bed was placed along the right wall. Next to it was a small night stand. Clothes and books were thrown here and there, and the sheets on the bed were a mess. Pretty much what you could expect from a young girl living on her own. A CD player with a large surround sound system stood on a table, with a set of headphones lying on top of it. A large collection of CD's were stacked next to it.

A bureau was placed next to the computer desk. He opened the top drawer. Socks. The second contained underwear. He wasn't a collector, but he had to admit she had good taste. The third drawer contained more underwear, some sweaters and a barely hidden vibrator, as well as a pair of pink and furry handcuffs. He picked them up. Amateur stuff. They had a saftey lock on them, otherwise he might have used them when the time came. He put them back where he found them.

He went through the two closets built into the wall. They mostly contained clothes, some shoes and boxed with old stuff. Photographs, letters and so on. He checked the drawers on her computer desk as well, which mostly contained notebooks and papers from school. He found a spare key to the apartment as well and allowed himself one small smile of triumph. He took out his clay kit and made an imprint. Next time he visted he didn't have to use the lock pick.

He stood on a chair in order to place one of the cameras on top of the lamp in the roof. He placed another one behind her computer and the third in the keyhole to the closet door.

He looked at the clock. It had already been three hours. He decided to not overstay his welcome, making sure that everything was the same as when he entered, placed the last two cameras in the hallway and left her apartment, making sure the door locked behind him.

He spent four weeks keeping an watchful eye on her. He watched as she studied, slept, ate and spent time with her friends. One night she threw a party. He watched the whole time, worried that one of them might find one of his cameras. It would ruin the whole plan. But nothing happened.

One night she brought a young man home. John recognized him as a student from Maisie's class. He watched as they fooled around a bit on the bed, as the boy slipped down to the floor and pushed Maisie back on the bed. He watched as she pulled her shirt off, while the boy tore off her pants and underwear. He watched as the young man pleasured her with his mouth. He zoomed in on her upper body, focusing on her face. He watched (and heard) her moan in as she came, gripping and pulling at the sheets. The camera in the bedroom roof gave him a perfect view of her face as the most intense pleasure ripped through her body.



He kept watching her, because he wanted to truly know her before her time came.

And then it did.

Tonight was the night.

It was Friday, 7 PM. Already dark. With a little luck, she would not be missed for a couple of days. He parked his car a few streets away and walked to her apartment building. He was dressed in black. Black jeans, a leather jacket and a hoodie underneath. He wore leather gloves and had a black bag slung over his shoulder, containing his laptop and some gear he needed for the night. He took out his laptop and checked the monitors before entering the building. Right now she was in the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of milk. He put the computer back into the bag and proceeded to the third floor.

He didn't turn on the lights in the stairway. He checked his computer again when he was outside her apartmen. She had moved to the bedroom. She was wearing a purple tank top and a pair of black panties, headphones on, dacing around the room. He couldn't have asked for a better opportunity.

He put the computer back down and took out the key, sliding it in and opening the door without a sound. He closed it behind him and put the bag down on the floor. The hallway was dark, no lights were lit. The only light came from the bedroom. He locked the door behind him. He put the key back into his pocket and instead pulled out a sheet of white latex, big enough to cover the palm of his hand. He laid it out in his hand and proceeded to the bedroom.

He sneaked a peek around the corner. Maisie was still dancing, her eyes closed. She looked lost in the music. John took a few seconds just to admire the way her body moved as she danced, the way her hips swayed and the way her breasts moved.



Then he sprung on her.

She was taken completely by surprise as he closed the distance between them, grabbing a hold of her, pinning her arms to her sides and pressing the white sheet of latex over her mouth and nose.

"Mmmmmph!"

Her scream was muffled by the latex and his hand. He pulled her back, away from the CD player and the headphones were ripped from her head, landing on the floor. Her eyes shot open in surprise and she struggled fiercly to get loose. She tried to get her arms free and her legs kicked in the air as he lifted her up. But it took less than thirty seconds before she succumbed to the sudden loss of air and she got completely limp in his arms.

He lowered her gently to the floor, still keeping his hand tight against her mouth and nose. He didn't want to kill her, but he needed to make sure that she was absolutely unconscious. He removed the hand with the latex sheet once she was laid out on the floor. It clung to her lips a bit as he pulled it away. He checked her pulse. Still alive. Good.

He got the bag from the hallway. He put the latex sheet back into his pocket and unzipped the bag, taking out several zip-ties of different sizes. He rolled Maisie over on her stomach and used one pair to bind her wrists behind her back. He used a second pair to tie her ankles together. He took a larger pair of zip-ties and tied her elbows together, as well as her knees. He pressed one of the larger ones into her mouth, pulling it tight behind her head, making an improvised gag.

He rose, looking down on the unconscious girl. She looked peaceful. He picked up the headphones from the floor, pressing one of them to his year. "You Came" by Kim Wilde was still playing. He turned off the music and put the headphones back on top of the CD player. Then he knelt down besides Maisie and picked her up in his arms. She didn't weigh much and John was a strong man. He carried her into the bathroom and laid her down on the tile floor, face down.

He put the plug in and started to fill up the tub. He poured some strawberry soap in as well and inhaled the sweet scent as the bubbles started to rise in the hot water.

After a minute, Maisie came to. She opened her eyes, blinked a couple of times. She shifted her weight around, trying to move. That's when it hit her that she was tied up. John knelt down beside her as she started pulling at the zip-ties, trying to get loose. She looked up at him, her eyes those of a frightened child. He saw that she was about to scream and put his hand over her mouth. He put a finger over his lips and hushed.

"Don't scream.", he said. "You will only make thing harder for the both of us."

He held his hand over her mouth until she nodded.

"Good."

He removed his gloves. He wouldn't be needing them. He took off the leather jacket as well, leaving him in his black hoodie. He reached into his pocket and took out a small knife. At the sight of it she panicked.

"No... please don't!". The gag muffled her voice a bit, but he had no problem making out the words. She tried to pull away from him as he reached for her. He grabbed a handful of her red hair.

"Listen. I'm not going to cut you, alright? But if you move around, I can't help it if you get hurt. So stay still."

He moved the top of his fingers over her bare soles and she shuddered. Her small toes, nails painted pink, curled together as he moved his fingers again. Ticklish. She still shuddered as he put his hand on her lower leg and slowly slid it up, enjoying the sensation of her soft, warm skin. He let his fingers trail across the zip-tie that bound her knees together and smoothly graced her thighs, before moving the hand further up, moving his fingers along the outlines of her underwear, over her butt.

"I'm going to cut these off.", he told her.

She barely swallowed a sob.

He flicked the knife open and cut her panties off at the sides. He had to pull quite hard to get them free, as her legs were tightly pressed together. He folded the black panties and put them on the floor next to her. He allowed himself to enjoy the touch of her bare ass, without being forceful. He touched her the way he imagined a tender lover would touch her.

He moved his hand further up, in beneath her top. She shivered as he moved his fingers along her spine. He used the knife to cut the purple fabric apart, leaving her in her bra. He threw the ruined top out into the hallway.

He rolled her over on her side. The red hair between her legs was shaved into a V. She breathed heavily as he ran his fingertops over the top of her breasts.

"Please, no.", she moaned as he brought the blade up to cut into the fabric of her bra.

"Don't worry.", he assured her. "I'm not going to rape you."

He finished his work and put the bra down next to the panties. He bit down on his lower lip at the sight of her exposed breasts. It was true that he had seen her naked plenty of times on the cameras, but it was something else entirely seeing her fully nude in front of him like this. He reached out and took one of the heavy, large breasts in his hand, squeezing it slightly. A tear rolled down her cheek as he repeated the proceedure on the other breast. He stopped. He didn't want to upset her.

He rolled her over on her stomach again and her naked breasts pressed against the cold stile floor, stiffening her nipples.

At this point, the tub was getting full and some water splashed over the edge, hitting the floor. John stood up and turned the water off quickly.

Once the water splashed over the edge, it hit Maisie what John was up to. Up until now, she had not even noticed the sound of running water. She tried to look up at him, to plead for her life. He knelt down next to her, took her jaw in a firm grip and looked her in the eyes.

"It was so nice getting to know you."

Tears rolled down her cheeks. Drool had pooled up at the corners of her mouth and ran down her jaw. He bent down over her and planted a kiss on her wet lips.

Then he stood up, grabbed a hold of the zip-ties binding her elbows and the ones binding her knees, and lifted her up in the air. She panicked as he lifted her up over the bathtub.

"No. Please... no... don't. Please!"

"HEEEELP..."

Her broken voice cut off as he lowered her into the water. She trashed and squirmed and the water splashed over the floor. He pushed her down to the bottom of the tub and held her there, one hand on the top of her back and the other on her ass. Her lower legs stuck up from the water, kicking in the air as she fought to get free.

John felt her body tremble beneath his hands. She tried to pry him away from her with her bound hands, but barely managed to graze him with the tip of her fingers. Raising her head above the surface was impossible as long as he kept his hand on the top of her back.

As the seconds passed and the pressure in her lungs grew, she panicked and resorted to more desperate attempts to save her life. She bit down on the zip-tie in her mouth, trying to get it off, too driven by fear to question what good it would do her to get it off. Not that she had any chance of biting through it. The plastic was way too thick for that.

Her breasts pressed against the bottom of the tub and her butt pressed against his hand as she continuted to squirm. The preassure in her chest was insane. She had to get some air. Now! She twisted and turned her head, trying so very hard to get it above the surface. Her hands clawed at the water and her heart felt like it was going to burst.

She knew she couldn't hold on for much longer. The last thoughts that went through her mind was why? Why was he doing this to her? What had she done to deserve this?

She bit down on her lip, closing her eyes shut as she tried to force herself not to exhale. But she couldn't help herself. The spent air in her lungs bursted from her lips and water rushed in to fill the void. She trashed like crazy in the tub as the warm strawberry flavored water flooded into her mouth and nose, down her throat and into her lungs. It burn and hurt like hell. She kicked and flailed with her arms as she drowned. Her fingers switched between clawing in the water and splaying out and her small toes curled together as the last ounce of life left her. Her body shook in a few violent spasms as the water filled her lungs. Then she was still, apart from the occasional twitch.

John held her under for a couple of minutes before he let go of her. He shook the water from his hands and sat down against the bathroom wall. He closed his eyes for a minute, rubbing his temple with his hands. It had been amazing. Maisie had not disappointed him. She had been everything he had hoped for.

He spent an hour gathering his things. Put the cameras back into his bag. He took a wet towel and wiped Maisie's lower legs clean of any prints. The water in the tub would take care of the rest of her body. He took one last longing look at her before he switched off the lights in the bathroom and closed the door.

He was careful to look through the peephole before he left Maisie's apartment. The stairway was dark. Good. He stepped out and locked the door behind him. He would get rid of the key later.

"Hi."

f**k.

He turned towards the female voice that had spoken to him. He quickly pressed the light switch. Maisie's neighbour was standing outside her door, on her way in. Mid-thirties, brunette and very pretty. She was wearing a blue sweater, a pair of black jeans and expensive looking black boots. John knew that she was working at a nearby pet store.

She must have noticed the way he looked at her.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to scare you in the dark.", she laughed. "I was just taking a rest from moving these.", she said and patted the large box she was sitting on, two more by its side.

"Oh.", John said. He regained his posture, forcing himself to calm down. Don't worry, you can take care of this, he told himself.

"Hi.", he smiled at her.

"I'm Maisie's cousin. John.", he said and put out his hand. The brunette rose from the box she was sitting on and shook it.

"Sarah."

"So, you're visiting from England then?", she asked.

"No, not me.", he replied. "I've been in the US for some time now."

"Yeah, you've got a flawless accent.", she said, bashing her eyes at him. Was she flirting with him?

"Is Maisie home?", she asked.

"She's in the bath.", John replied. "Probably gonna be there for a while."

"You want a hand with those?", he asked, nodding towards the boxes.

She turned to look. "Oh, no, I don't want to bother you with that.", she said.

"Please. I'd be happy to help.", he replied, giving her his most charming smile.

She smiled and nodded, accepting his offer.

She slid the door to her apartment open with her foot and grabbed a box. John took the two that were left. From the sound they contained glasses or plates. John closed the door behind him as he moved into the apartment. She led the way into her living room where she put the box down. John put the two he was carrying down next to it.

"I'm sorry.", he said, "But it almost sounds like one of the glasses broke when I picked the box up. Would you mind checking?"

"Don't worry about it.", she said. "It's mostly old stuff anyway."

"Please. It wouldn't feel right leaving knowing I had broken your things." He let her know he wouldn't take no for an anwer, while still maintaining his charming manners.

"Okay, I'll look.". She smiled at him.

She knelt down in front of the box and opened it. As she turned her back against him, John moved his hand down into his pocket.

"Nothing is broken. It all looks fi... agghh!"



She was pulled back from the box by the steel wire that suddenly closed around her throat. Her hands immediately reached for the wire as John continued to pull her back, dragging her into the middle of the room. She gagged as the wire cut into her neck and her boots kicked against the carpet. She tried to stand up, but John leaned down over her, not giving her any leverage.



She grimaced as she fought like crazy to get the wire off. She clawed at the wire, tried to slap at his hands. He was glad it didn't occur to her to claw at his hands. Without his gloves on, she could have scratched him up good.



Panic overtook her. She made some wheezing sounds as she tried to pull in fresh air into her starving lungs. Her eyes were wild with fright. She couldn't comprehend why this was happening to her. It had all happened so fast. This had to be some kind of nightmare!

Her longs legs continued to kick and the heels of her boots hammered against the floor. Her jeans clad butt scrapped against the carpet as she moved. Luckily there was nothing she could knock over in her wild struggle.



The fury of her struggle died down after a minute. Her mouth was open, trying to suck some air in. Her face had turned a bit red and the clawing at the wire had died down to an aimless slapping. The insane preassure in her head and in her lungs made her feel like she was going to explode. She made some soft whimpering sounds. Maybe she was trying to speak. John didn't know. He didn't care.



She desperately tried to keep her eyes open, but the darkness crept in from the corners of her eyes. She couldn't go on any longer. She was utterly spent. John lowered her to the floor as her struggle stopped. Her hands fell down from her throat and flopped against the floor a bit, her fingers clawing into thin air. A bit of drool ran down the corner of her mouth, from her swollen tongue that was slowly making its way out of her mouth in one last desperate attempt to suck in some air. But it was useless. She finally sucumbed. Her legs stopped kicking and her toes curled up in her boots, her eyes closed and a last spasm went through her dying body. Then she was still.

He held on for another five minutes, frustrated with himself and her. Why did she have to ruin his plans like that? When he let go of the steel wire, her face was almost blue and his hands hurt. He let her fall to the floor as he put the wire back into her pocket.

He stood up, stroking his beard. He was unsure of how to proceed. His kills were usually a lot more planned out than this. At the very least, he needed to clean her of any fingerprints, as he had touched her without his gloves.

He hooked his hands under her armpits and dragged her into her bedroom, her legs and feet dragging across the floor as he pulled her with him. He spread her out on her large bed. He brushed a few strands of hair away from her face and closed her eyes. Apart from the colour of her face, she could have been sleeping.

He went out to her kitchen and got a large trash bag. He then want back into the bedroom, knowing fully well what he had to do. He took her right boot in his hands, caressing the soft leather. He pulled the zipper down and pulled the boot off. She wasn't wearing socks underneath. Her skin was soft and her nails kept well manicured, but unpainted. There was a lovely natural beauty to her. John was surprised he had paid so little attention to her before, but back then he only had eyes for Maisie.

He repeated the process with her left foot, sliding the boot off slowly. He put the boots in the bag. He then unzipped her black jeans and pulled them down. Her body shifted a bit as he pulled. She was wearing a pair of pink panties underneath, with a small heart in the middle. Cute. He folded the jeans and put them in the bag as well.

He sat down next to her on the bed and lifted her body slightly, leaning her forward as he pulled off the blue sweater. He threw it to the floor as he admired her almost naked body. She was wearing a white bra. Her breasts were small, but so very, very soft. He unhooked her bra and slid if off her shoulders, letting her body bounce back onto the bed. He picked up the bra and sweater and put them both in the bag.

He looked her over again. He didn't need to remove her underwear. She looked good wearing them. He tied the bag up and put it down in the hallway, before going out to the kitchen and getting some wet towels. He went back into the bedroom and wiped her body clean of any prints. He couldn't resist giving her breasts a quick touch, but that was all that he allowed himself. When he was finished, she was spread out on the bed, limbs pointing in different directions. He turned his back to her, but changed his mind the last second. He went back to her and slid her eyes open again, leaving her starring blankly into the roof. Yes, that was better.

He wiped the boxes clean of any prints, as well as the doorknob. He then took the garbage bag, his own bag and left her apartment. He made his way down to the street without running into someone else and walked over to the street where he parked his car without further incident. He threw the bags into the backseat, turned on the enginee and left.

All in all, it had been a good night.
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fleming



Joined: 19 Jan 2007
Posts: 6449
Location: Iceland

PostPosted: Dec Fri 06, 2013 1:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey kind of busy and going out soon so i haven't read it carefully yet but just wanted to say from what I can see this looks awesome and I am very pleased you went with the Lena idea, very pleased. Very Happy Can't wait to read it carefully later tonight.
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Genesis



Joined: 21 Jul 2013
Posts: 199

PostPosted: Dec Fri 06, 2013 2:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think you will find it right up your alley, if a bit dark, perhaps.
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OOAgent



Joined: 30 Aug 2012
Posts: 224

PostPosted: Dec Fri 06, 2013 2:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lovely story, very nice work.

Where are those Lena pics from by the way?
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Genesis



Joined: 21 Jul 2013
Posts: 199

PostPosted: Dec Fri 06, 2013 3:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OOAgent said:
Lovely story, very nice work.

Where are those Lena pics from by the way?


Thanks, nice to hear you liked it. Very Happy

The pictures of Lena are from Ripley's Game (2002). It's from a scene close to the end of the movie.
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fleming



Joined: 19 Jan 2007
Posts: 6449
Location: Iceland

PostPosted: Dec Fri 06, 2013 8:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well yes indeed its dark but written with skill and the sort of attention to detail that enriches the reading experiance a great deal. yay
John sure is an evil bastard but he's good at what he does, gotta give him that. laugh
His careful stalking and planning was expertly written, to the point it got genuinely alarming (mean that as a compliment on your writing) and I couldn't help but feel for poor Maisie.

Not very familiar with the actress but she looks lovely and the pics and gif sure added to the feel of her and put one in John's position.
Her demise was well written and original, not exactly my sort of thing but definitley intriguing and fresh.

Oh but Sarah, oh how glad I am she had to go and be so tragically unlucky in her timing and the fact she fancied him or seemed to only made it all much sadder and perfectly tragic.
Brilliant job with the suspense and lead in and the strangling was nothing short of beautiful, the caps were also employed stunningly well, sort of astage by stage insight into her death, stunning. clapping clapping clapping loveheart

The boots were a wonderful touch and how he moved and undressed her was just beautiful and of course the de-booting was a real treat but then again you could guess I'd think so. Very Happy clapping clapping
So glad you came up with a way of incorporating Lena and her pics, you did so terrifically and in a way that enhanced what came before rather than clash with it, especially having set Sarah up beforehand even if just in passing, it was all that took to make it work. Very Happy

Look forward to more stories from you, you're on a nice roll for sure. Very Happy

Jˇhann.
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Retsevrah



Joined: 07 May 2010
Posts: 1570
Location: United States

PostPosted: Dec Fri 06, 2013 10:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Always excited to see one of your stories going up.

Holy crap, that's Dakota Blue now? She is so hot.
Where's the cap and gif from?

Damn, all that cheap surplus spygear going in the internet, sure it's great for agents on the budget, but now it's helping people like John. laugh

He's got that right about her curves. excited
Like the detail about John picking her out and his usual surveillance duty and how he plans everything out.
As well as making note of the creaks, the downfall of many a horror/thriller villain. laugh

Loved the part about him not being a collector and the humour about the handcuffs being for amutuers. Very Happy
Funny part about the party as well, last thing he'd want is one drunk guy stumbling across the camera.

The voyeurism of him watching Maise being pleasured, nice detail there. And great use of the cap, wow. :heart:

Liked the tension of his approach, and the use of the gif as he was entranced by her dancing was fantastic.
Great choke out scene, loved the detail on the glove clinging to her lip, and the body handling. and binding.

I remember that song from VH1 Classic, I think... geez, is that channel still around? I'm not sure there's any channels that play music anymore. sad
Interesting insight into her though, listening to '80s music rather then Twist by Goldfrapp or such. Little moments like that really go a long way toward expanding a character.

The building tension of John positioning her, the ritualistic set up, even adding the soap, nice and dark touch there.

Nice job with the stripping and her fear and John's reassurances and still enjoying her, wow.
Good descriptions.

Damn, incredible drowning, the detail, Maise's fear and thoughts, the dark part about the strawberry water, wow. Excellent work.
Quite a death.

Wasn't expecting John to run into trouble, and Lena's appearance, wow, what a bonus.
Loved the Bond line about Maise being in the bath. laugh

Very cool work with John smoothly taking control, and the sudden attack, the garroting, her shock, the descriptions and the use of the caps, wow, excellent. Great kill.

Very nice body handling and stripping after, and the cleaning and touch and the bit with him posing the body, great.

Excellent work, excellent.
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Genesis



Joined: 21 Jul 2013
Posts: 199

PostPosted: Dec Sat 07, 2013 1:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

fleming said:
Not very familiar with the actress but she looks lovely and the pics and gif sure added to the feel of her and put one in John's position.


She played the lead in The Golden Compass, but she has certainly grown up since then. loveheart


fleming said:
Brilliant job with the suspense and lead in and the strangling was nothing short of beautiful, the caps were also employed stunningly well, sort of astage by stage insight into her death, stunning. clapping clapping clapping loveheart


Thank you. Using the screencaps to write that scene was not only a lot of fun, but very helpful as well.

fleming said:
The boots were a wonderful touch and how he moved and undressed her was just beautiful and of course the de-booting was a real treat but then again you could guess I'd think so. Very Happy clapping clapping



I added the undressing scene just for you, so I'm glad you enjoyed it. laugh


fleming said:
Look forward to more stories from you, you're on a nice roll for sure. Very Happy


There will be more, but I'm better off not setting a deadline for myself. I always end up missing it anyway. laugh

Retsevrah said:
Holy crap, that's Dakota Blue now? She is so hot. Where's the cap and gif from?


Yes, she's beautiful. These days she's one of my favorites. The GIF and the screencap is from the TV series Skins. The scene I took the screencap from is really hot and can be downloaded here.

http://dfiles.eu/files/6tg511624 - 50 MB


Retsevrah said:
Like the detail about John picking her out and his usual surveillance duty and how he plans everything out. As well as making note of the creaks, the downfall of many a horror/thriller villain. laugh


Thanks, I really liked writing the set up for this story.

On the other hand, John kind of set his own downfall in motion here. There's a small detail towards the end of the story that will make sure the police will be lead in his direction. Taken from Red Dragon. I'm sure you know what I mean.

Retsevrah said:
Loved the part about him not being a collector and the humour about the handcuffs being for amutuers. Very Happy


I'm sure those kind of cuffs can be found in plenty of bedrooms these days. Sexy, but not very useful for our dear John. laugh


Retsevrah said:
Great choke out scene, loved the detail on the glove clinging to her lip, and the body handling. and binding.


Actually, it was the piece of latex that stuck to her lips. laugh

Retsevrah said:
I remember that song from VH1 Classic, I think... geez, is that channel still around? I'm not sure there's any channels that play music anymore. sad

Interesting insight into her though, listening to '80s music rather then Twist by Goldfrapp or such. Little moments like that really go a long way toward expanding a character.


Thanks. I'm a big fan of Kim Wilde myself, so I had to make sure that Maisie had decent taste in music.

Retsevrah said:
The building tension of John positioning her, the ritualistic set up, even adding the soap, nice and dark touch there.


The idea for the soap I got from a clip on Nyghtfall's site. If I remember correctly, I think it was from a movie simply called Psychopath.


Retsevrah said:
Damn, incredible drowning, the detail, Maise's fear and thoughts, the dark part about the strawberry water, wow. Excellent work. Quite a death.


Thank you. The style of the drowning was definitely inspired by Ed's drowning of his character Sunny in one of his stories. Gotta give credit where credit is due. Very Happy


Retsevrah said:
Very cool work with John smoothly taking control, and the sudden attack, the garroting, her shock, the descriptions and the use of the caps, wow, excellent. Great kill.

Very nice body handling and stripping after, and the cleaning and touch and the bit with him posing the body, great.


I'm glad you liked it. From the beginning it was just supposed to be Maisie he killed, but when Fleming suggested writing a story about those Lena caps a while back, I just couldn't resist. Made the story even better in the end, I think. Very Happy
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dbud



Joined: 02 Nov 2009
Posts: 615

PostPosted: Dec Sun 08, 2013 11:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

liked this short story a lot. always have liked lena and those pics were great. that's the girl from the golden compass? wow, you are right, she has grown up. enjoyed the stalking aspects and then the unplanned kill of lena was especially great. liked it a lot.
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Genesis



Joined: 21 Jul 2013
Posts: 199

PostPosted: Dec Sun 08, 2013 12:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm glad you found it enjoyable, dbud. Very Happy
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Ed



Joined: 29 May 2013
Posts: 1152
Location: East Coast

PostPosted: Dec Sun 08, 2013 1:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Holy Guacamole, Genesis!

You have so many cool bits going on here, it's almost, (ALMOST), possible to forget how well written this gem is!

So THAT's Dakota Blue, eh? No wonder you're a fan.

Your descriptions of the women and the murders perfectly synced with your illustrations/visuals. I would have got back sooner, but I had to read this at least twice, plus I had to fight for computer time against the house adolescent.

Trite as it sounds, you have out-done yourself, sir!

(I thought "Ripley's Game" was the best version of the "Ripley" saga.)
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Genesis



Joined: 21 Jul 2013
Posts: 199

PostPosted: Dec Sun 08, 2013 2:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you very much for the high praise, Ed. I must admit I'm pretty happy witht the way this story turned out myself, so I'm glad it's getting positive reactions from you guys. As for the screenshots, it was a lot of fun to work with and it's something I consider incorporating into any future stories from now on (or at least for the stories where I can find any relevant screenshots). Building an "alternate" story around a screenshot from a movie or TV series is also a possibility. Very Happy
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fleming



Joined: 19 Jan 2007
Posts: 6449
Location: Iceland

PostPosted: Dec Sun 08, 2013 5:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes she's certainly grown up and nicely so. Very Happy No wonder I didn't recognize her... then again when I think of Golden compass I think of the perfection that are Eva Green and Nicole kidman. loveheart loveheart loveheart

I do love the way you used the caps and hope you will do more of that, I can say from experiance they make the writing process both easier and more fun, they always seem to coax inspiration when its lacking and help with the staging of a scene. Plus they are just great to look at.
Speaking of Nicole, I'd sure love to see what you'd do with the caps of her strangling from Stoker, they even offer a shot of her that can double as a dead body shot. I so love her but haven't been able to do anything with them myself so far. Plus since her attacker is a man and its quite brutal it does seem up your ally more than mine, given that I shy away from male killers unless its the hero and then its not in that context.

Oh I so loved the undressing scene and even more so knowing it was done for me, thanks for that and by all means feel free to do more for me in the future. Very Happy
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egeek



Joined: 19 Sep 2011
Posts: 1408
Location: Fantasy World

PostPosted: Dec Tue 10, 2013 2:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

him wiping off prints was a nice touch. Maybe thats how most fantasy killers get away. hehe unless you write it into the scene of them being caught because of their own stupidity of course. Since I have a death stare fetish I like how he decided to go back and open her eyes. he even liked her lifeless eyes looking into the darkness better.
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Genesis



Joined: 21 Jul 2013
Posts: 199

PostPosted: Dec Tue 10, 2013 3:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

egeek said:
Since I have a death stare fetish I like how he decided to go back and open her eyes. he even liked her lifeless eyes looking into the darkness better.


I'm glad you like that part. I'm quite fond of it myself. Also, notice how he didn't wipe her eyelids clean of prints? That's probably going to bite him in the ass later on. Twisted Evil
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